Is Western Society Too Idealized?

Does western culture focus too much on the future and not enough on the here and now? Are Americans so caught up in living the “American dream” that they neglect their real selves? These are just a couple of the questions that have been on my mind lately. Karen Horney’s concepts of the real and idealized self helped propel my thinking on these issues to the next level. Whether it’s encouraging or discomforting, I have yet to decide, but I do think I have a better understanding of what may be happening.

According to psychological theorist Karen Horney, children who receive loving satisfaction of their needs develop into productive adults. If they experience the basic evil, inadequate parenting, they stray from their real self and develop neuroticism. Along with neurotic behavior they develop an idealized self, which is a fictitious view of who they should be. It is a distorted view that cannot be achieved. This concept is perhaps the one that has resonated with me the most so far. Horney often referred to the ideal self as the “tyranny of the shoulds.” I would venture to say that almost every person in the United States, several times on a daily basis, uses the phrase, “I should really…”

I do subscribe to the importance of childhood as it relates to development. The first years of life are clearly extremely formative and provide a basis for our hopefully fruitful future. With that said, I would like to take Horney’s theory a step further. Can an individual develop an idealized self even after experiencing healthy childhood development?

I think the answer is yes. While I haven’t conducted any research on those questions, I would suggest that there are a plethora of case studies at our fingertips: American citizens. I think that the pressure to succeed and achieve goals has become a staple of American culture, in some ways to its detriment. The notion of achieving the American dream, owning a beautiful house with a family while holding down a job that brings in at least a six figure salary, is ingrained in the minds of almost every American. We set goals and if we achieve them, we have to set more goals. Essentially, we are never satisfied; we always need more. I realize this isn’t true for every American, but I think a great many.

Some might suggest that there is nothing wrong with setting goals and achieving them. I agree, if the cost to the self doesn’t outweigh the benefits. According to Horney, people who live in accordance with their real selves are on the way to self-realization. The question to ask then is whether this goal-driven society is living in accordance with the real self or the idealized self. I think that people can have a very healthy concept of self while achieving goals in life. However, it seems to me that many Americans might not be on a path to self-realization.

Perhaps my pessimistic view of western culture and its lack of emphasis on the real self is a bit much for some people to take, but I do think it is a genuine problem, especially in the United States. My suggestion is that we take some advice from Horney and try to live in accordance with our real self. That might mean slowing down and actually spending some time with our own person and getting to know him or her. It would certainly do us all some good.